How I Learned To Get Out Of My Own Way and Start Doing The Passionate, Life-Changing Work.
“There are plenty of difficult obstacles in your path. Don’t allow yourself to become one of them.” – Ralph Marston.
When I reflect back on my childhood, I always had this sense that I was a powerful being. But I was a powerful being who felt trapped inside her own body. I had a voice, but I was too afraid to use it. I would let fear of failure, fear of not being good enough and fear of what others thought of me get in the way of putting my best foot forward. These fears would get in the way of me doing the passionate, life-changing work I was destined to do.
In 2016, I started to understand what my true passion and purpose in life was – to inspire others to do and be more. To help people realise their full potential, and to become the best version they could possibly be. When I started Boss in Heels, I started it reluctantly. I really felt this pull to do it, and I genuinely felt excited about it. But I felt embarrassed and uncomfortable about what others may think of me – especially those in the corporate world. As ludicrous as this may sound now, I didn’t want the blog and the work that I was doing, to hurt my career prospects.
I was also extremely uncomfortable about putting myself out there in the world. I was so afraid to publish my articles on LinkedIn and to have people read my work. If it weren’t for my husband Richard believing in me (more than I believed in myself) and pushing me to do it – I may not have ever taken that first step.
I want to share this real and raw post with you all, in the hope that it inspires you to do the same. When I tell others the fears I’ve faced and the self-doubt I’ve experienced, they are often surprised to learn of these struggles. Let me assure you – these feelings are very real. It has only been through a process of identifying and overcoming these fears, that I’ve stepped into my true power. I am still not all the way there yet – it is a process… a journey. But I have come a really long way in these past couple of years and have finally learned to get out of my own way.
In this article, I share 3 key practices I’ve put in place to get out of my own way, and to start tapping into the passionate, life-changing work.
1. IDENTIFYING LIMITING SELF BELIEFS
In September 2019, I attended Tony Robbins’ Unleash The Power Within (UPW). During this four day event, Tony took us through The Dickens Process – a method used to identify and overcome limiting self-beliefs.
I thought at this stage in my life that I had already done the work to overcome these fears. However, by going through this process, I realised that these beliefs were still living in my sub-conscious mind, preventing me from stepping into my full power and potential.
Limiting self-beliefs are the negative core beliefs that people tell themselves, such as i’m:
- Not smart enough
- Not good enough
- A bad person
Each of these beliefs can lead to exceedingly negative thoughts and feelings about ourselves. They can influence our behaviour in ways that make it difficult to reach our goals and get what we want out of life.
THE DICKENS PROCESS
In the Dickens Process, you are forced to examine your limiting self beliefs – say your top three handicapping beliefs. You then take a look at each belief in depth and answer the following questions:
- “What has each belief cost you in the past, and what has it cost people you’ve loved in the past? What have you lost because of this belief? See it, hear it, feel it.”
- “What is each belief costing you and people you care about in the present? See it, here it, feel it.”
- “What will each belief cost you and people you care about 1, 3, 5, and 10 years from now? See it, hear it, feel it.”
Going through this process with 7,500 others in a packed arena, was an extraordinarily powerful experience. It has been through identifying these limiting beliefs, and recognising that these thoughts were:
- Preventing me from living as my truest, highest version of myself; and
- Sabotaging me from achieving my goals, and from doing the passionate, life-changing work
that I have been able to step into my power.
2. BEING SURROUNDED BY THE RIGHT PEOPLE
Generally, there are two reasons why people don’t do things. The first is because they tell themselves they can’t do them, and the second is the people around them tell them they can’t do them. So, either they give up, or they never start in the first place.
One thing I have learned is that the things that we have in our head that we think are impossible, are often just milestones waiting to be accomplished. Start with little incremental pushes of what you believe is possible for yourself. The best way to do this is to surround yourself with the people who are already doing the things that you want to be doing.
There’s this quote by Jim Rohn I love that says ‘you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with” One of the greatest gifts I have given myself, is choosing to surround myself with the right people. The people that believe in me, the people who want the best for me and the people who have helped elevate me to that next level.
Whilst this can be an extremely painful process, learning to create space between the people who don’t add value in my life, or who genuinely want to see me win, has been a huge contributing factor in the work that I do. I simply cannot afford to have unsupportive, disloyal or disingenuous people in my life. There is simply no space.
3. FEELING THE FEAR & DOING IT ANYWAY
Learning to feel the fear and doing it anyway, has been liberating. It has enabled me to:
- Start my blog, even though I felt nervous about what others may think.
- Interview Elena Cardone and start a podcast, even though I was afraid of failing dismally.
- Step on a stage in front of hundreds of people, at the risk of humiliating myself.
- Reach out and build connections and friendships with some incredible people, with the fear of being rejected.
- Jump out of a plane, and overcome fears of heights, free-falling and dying.
If I did not feel the fear, decide to push past it and do these things anyway, I never would have grown into the person that I am today. I would have continued to have lived small, play it safe, and plateau out. I would have missed out on incredible opportunities, experiences and connections with some truly extraordinary people. And I would have missed out on doing what I feel truly passionate about.
Next time you feel fearful, acknowledge the fear, and decide to step forward into action. It is the only way I have been able to get out of my own way and tap into the passionate, life-changing work I know I have been put on this earth to do.
LEARNING TO GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY & DOING THE PASSIONATE, LIFE-CHANGING WORK
What are some of practices you have used, or would like to try, to get out of your own way and to start doing the passionate, life-changing work? I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences, please leave your comments below.